Blue

I have been feeling blue lately. It is interesting to open doors in my mind and explore the rooms that lie behind them. The daily rigors of life keep calling to me to step back outside of the door and walk on, but there is something about being inside that room that holds me there. That wants me to stay. There is a numbing to staying in the doors of grief and depression. The numb acts as a balm and stills the need to process. But it mutes those around me. They, however, are not in the room with me and instead of finding reprieve from the numb they feel distance. Daily is a wrestle of where my feet stand. I think everyday there is foot in and a foot out. Is it okay to just be sad and numb? Is it okay to hurt so bad I can’t breathe? Tears, tears, buckets of tears. Distant. Withdrawn. Numb. Lord, for now, can I just be sad?